One would think that common sense would be enough when travelling in Outback Australia. Alas, you meet so many idiots and arrogant bastards travelling in the outback from the cities and from overseas, that one wish they never had left where they came from. If you follow these simple advice, then you will not end up as one of the people that leave a bad impression and destroy for other travellers following in your track.

ADVICE FOR OVERSEAS VISITORS
What Australians appreciate most in other human beings is to be "friendly". If you're friendly and helpful, then you're "fair dinkum". Otherwise you're a "bastard" (in the negative sense of the word). Some simple tricks will do it:

SHOUT YOUR MATES AND BE FAIR DINKUM
Buy beer for other people at the pub, or give away some cold beer or soft drink from your Esky at the camp site. You will have a friend for a lifetime. The habit is called "shouting" in Australian.

DON'T BE A BASTARD
Remember to say Please and Thank you. Don't do like the German that we jacked off a stone where he was stuck up on the Mitchell Plateau. He just took off without a word for thanks. This is the definition of a Bastard. The young tour guide that went with them came over to our camp with a few beers and thanked us though.
   If they smile, smile back.
   When people talk to you, answer them. Don't do like the Germans at the Working Museum in Birdsville who were guided around by the friendly owner John. Not one smile. Not one reply when he tried to talk to them. First he thought they were deaf. But they were just Bastards.

CULTURAL AWARENESS FOR ENGLISH VISITORS
If you're a Pom, tread lightly. To loudly comment on the backwardness of Australia in your most high pitched English voice, will not, hem, be appreciated. Then you're a Whinging Pom or just simply a Pommie Bastard.

SOCIAL GLUE
Smalltalk with people even if you're bored with the eternal conversation:
  - How are ya?
  - Good
  - Where are you from?
  - "Insert country of origin"
  - How long have you been in Australia?
  - "Insert time you've been in Australia"
  - Where have you been in Australia?
  - "Insert places you've been to, preferably many".
  - Ah, that's great. You have seen more of Australia than most Australians. What do you think of Australia?
  - "Always tell them that Australia is the most fantastic place on Earth and that the Australians are the most friendly and helpful"

This conversation might be boring as hell, but... Just numb yourself, smile and answer these questions, so that you can get on to a new subject.

XENOFOBIA AND RACISM
Avoid to discuss the plight of the Aborigines or the virtues of the new Asian migrants. Many Anglo Australians are not too keen on either. Hopefully you disagree with them, but what do you think you'll achieve by informing them that you disagree? They'll just think that you're a Bastard.

SCANDINAVIANS AND ALCOHOL
If you're Scandinavian, try to not throw up from alcohol poisoning before eight o'clock in the evening. Australians find it very odd with people that lie in the gutter spewing at six or seven in the evening. Even if we Scandinavians find that this is the perfect way to spend a holiday.

MASTERING THE LINGO
When two dogs meet each other, they sniff each others scents. When two Australians meet, they test each other if both speak the standard Australian drawl. If you don't speak perfect Australian slang and with the absolutely "correct" Australian accent, Australians will find it hard or impossible to understand you. Don't be upset about it. New Zealanders who speak almost the same type of English have a problem to make themselves understood in Australia. Not to speak about British people..... If the Australians don't understand you, don't be too sure that it's your English that it is something wrong with. :-)